Cinderella
113 Minutes, Rated PG
Written and Directed by Kay Cannon
Synopsis:
Cinderella is a musically-driven bold new take on the traditional story you grew up with. Our heroine is an ambitious young woman whose dreams are bigger than the world will allow, but with the help of her Fab-G, she is able to persevere and make her dreams come true.
A tale as old as time…
No, wait; that’s a different fairy tale.
We’re talking about Cinderella.
Disney’s 1950 animated version of the sad tale of Ella and her evil step-mother and step-sisters has long been considered the gold standard of the tale. For a good reason.
There have been previous attempts to update the story in live action, including Disney’s own 2015 theatrical version starring Lily James, the 1997 television version starring Whitney Houston and Brandi, and even Jerry Lewis’ 1960 comedic, gender-swapped take, Cinderfella.
My personal (non-Disney) taste, however, leans toward the adaptation starring Drew Barrymore from 1998, Ever After.
Now, in 2021, Amazon Studios is taking a stroll in the most famous shoes since The Wizard of Oz with it’s own version of poor, quasi-orphaned Ella…
…and they’re going big, with pop-star Camila Cabello in the lead role, Broadway legend Idina Menzel as her evil step-mother, Nicholas Galitzine as Prince Charming Robert, and Billy Porter as her “Fab-G” (that would be Fabulous Godmother to you).
A beloved story, a sparkling cast…
…and, overall, it’s pretty lackluster.
That may sound harsh right out of the gate, but hear me out on this.
I tried very hard to go into this with an open mind, as musicals are usually not my thing. There are exceptions, of course, and I am quick to praise them when they cross my path.
Cinderella, however, was no exception.
Essentially, Amazon has created a nearly two-hour commercial for the soundtrack (much as The Greatest Showman did–listen to us discuss that HERE).
Worse than that, however, is that most of the songs are simply Glee-ified versions of other, original material. The opening montage of life in this anachronistic kingdom, with it’s horses and electric tools, where everyone seems happy to play their parts in the continual cycle of life–set to Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation –made my skin crawl.
Heck, even Queen (a band I love, BTW) licensed a song for this one (Somebody to Love), sung by Prince Robert in a cringe-inducing number, as he comes to grip with being forced to find a bride by his father.
Cabello’s lack of acting chops is disguised behind her multitudinous numbers (she is the star, after all).
Worst of all, however is the ham-fisted presentation of the central conceit of the film: overthrow the patriarchy.
And before you start firing off mean tweets, keep reading.
From it’s continual explaining to the audience that men treat women like garbage, not even listening to them at all, the production assumes that the audience won’t realize that’s what happening in this little kingdom, all the while telling us in so many words–repeatedly–that women who are the ones who are going to make real changes to the world.
Because men are dumb.
Show, don’t tell. Narrative 101.
Ella, obviously, has to achieve her goals by the end, and so she does: she gets both true love in her prince and she gets to travel the world, supporting herself (and her man!) by designing clothes for a foreign queen (who nonchalantly announces to Ella that she is the queen of her kingdom because she killed her husband… what?).
How incredibly 2021.
Sadly, the movie winds up completely squandering it’s two best assets: Billy Porter, who (despite the agenda driven, gender-swapped nature of Fab-G) completely embodies and exudes the kind of magical swagger one would want in a fairy godmother as they go around, waving their wand and changing your life,
and Tallulah Greive (one to watch moving forward) as Princess Gwen, Robert’s somewhat mousey sister (despite the photo below, lol), created from the ether by writer/director Kay Cannon, who, despite subscribing to a lot of ideas I might personally disagree with, has a grasp of concepts and a studious nature to accompany her earnestness, which she continually tries to insert into the kingdom’s politics and policies, much to her father’s chagrin and dismissal…
Until–well, I won’t ruin that part of it for you.
On top of that, we get a redemption for the wicked step-mother (making her a victim, as well).
And we massively soften the bitchiness of the step-sisters toward Ella.
And don’t get me started on the comic relief mouse trio… James Corden is so over at this point.
Suffice it to say, if you’re a Cabello fan, or a musical aficionado, or enjoy being spoon-fed social commentary without any semblance of nuance or subtlety, then you may very well enjoy this “updated” version of Cinderella.
I mean, if you like being preached to/at for almost 2 hours.
But if not, you may enjoy it simply for Porter and Greive’s all-too-few scenes, which are really the highlights here.
Cinderella can be watched exclusively on Amazon Prime Video starting September 3.
Cinderella stars Camila Cabello, Idina Menzel, Minnie Driver, Nicholas Galitzine, with Billy Porter, Pierce Brosnan, and Tallulah Greive.
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