Avatar: The Way of Water – Review
192 Minutes, Rated PG-13
Written and Directed by James Cameron
**NOTE: Read Mark’s review below, then listen/watch as he and Ryan discuss in more detail.**
Synopsis:
Jake Sully lives with his newfound family formed on the extrasolar moon Pandora. Once a familiar threat returns to finish what was previously started, Jake must work with Neytiri and the army of the Na’vi race to protect their home.
Well, if you’ve been listening to the show for any length of time, you’d already know that I wasn’t a huge fan of the original Avatar, so wasn’t exactly champing at the bit for the sequels.
But here we are, watching a 3+ hour 3D/IMAX extravaganza hit theaters.
Look, I understand that the original film broke new ground in visual effects. 3D became the hot new toy that everyone promptly screwed up. But after that, there wasn’t much there there past the gee-whiz of it all.
Avatar: The Way of Water, for all James Cameron’s posturing about what he’s done with the technology… again!… there’s still not much there there.
And when we do get some there, there’s not enough of it, or it’s just buring under sweeping visual effects designed to make you go “wow!” and be impressed.
And go ahead, be impressed. The visual as good as advertised for the most part. The underwater stuff is incredible, and the various flora and fauna is meticulously rendered.
But look, man, the whales have tattoos. Why do the whales have tattoos? There is no reason for the whales to have tattoos.
Also, I’m wondering if anyone is going to call Cameron out for co-opting the entire Moari culture as the basis for the Sea Folk?
In the end, if you want to watch three hours of the highest quality CGI you’ve seen in some time, go ahead and knock yourself out. But that’s all there is. Seriously. That’s it.
We get a recycled villain, but with a twist. We get TWO story points that just get dropped, including the reason the sky-people (humans) have returned to Pandora. It’s not Unobtainium, I can tell you that. We’ve moved on from that.
And it’s replacement is just as stupid.
For this film to make the $2 BILLION dollars Cameron claims it will take for this to break even, it’s going to have to have a ridiculous rewatch (and rewatch, and rewatch) rate, and that is NOT going to happen.
Hard pass.
Kill the sequels now unless he gets some story help and suddenly remembers that the effects are supposed to SUPPORT the story, not BE the story.
Avatar: The Way of Water hits theaters in 3D and IMAX on Dec 16 and stars Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver, Stephen Lang, Kate Winslet, Cliff Curtis, CCH Pounder, abnd Edie Falco.
Don’t forget to pee before the movie starts, although Cameron says you can just go when you want then buy another ticket to see the bits you missed.
F*ck that noise.
Avatar: The Way of Water isn’t even the best animated film I’ve seen this year. Yes, it’s an animated film.
And remember, if the BEST thing you can say about a movie is that it’s “visually stunning,” then they’ve done something wrong.
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