Cold Wallet

Review by Mark Woodring

Remember when the Reddit crew propped up GameStop stock and it was a scandal of epic proportions when they got locked out of the Robinhood trading app?

Remember the recent FTX crypto scandal?

What if a group of redittors decided to do something other than go to the press or to the courts when their crypto investments turn sour?

**NOTE: this post may be updated with audio once we actually have the chance to talk about it. Until then, you can read Mark’s review below. Remember, though, you can listen to all our discussions of this and every other movie directly over on ACAST. Stay tuned.**

Cold Wallet - Review
Cold Wallet (WellGo USA)

 

84 Minutes, Rated R
Written by Cutter Hodierne, John Hibey
Directed by Cutter Hodiern

Synopsis:

After losing everything in a cryptocurrency scam, a ragtag team of vigilante Redditors attempt to kidnap the kingpin who screwed them over. But when the home invasion takes a turn for the worst, they become victims in a sadistic game.

 

In Cold Wallet, three folks who lost everything when the owner of a crypto exchange dies under mysterious circumstances — and no one can access their falling accounts — discover the owner is still alive and living in a mansion nearby.

Determined to access his “cold wallets” which would allow them access to the company’s accounts and recover their funds, they make for the isolated estate with not-quite-ill intent.

A dark comedy for the crypto age, Cold Wallet plays on all the tropes you might expect from a rag-tag group of everyday investors, including the super-enthusiastic crypto fan who’s trying to trying to do right by his daughter and ex-wife, the computer expert who understands all the crypto stuff, and the well-meaning but kind of uninformed friend who got into the market through some peer pressure.

(Dark) Hilarity ensues as the group finds the “dead” exec in the house, but who is unwilling to surrender the codes to the CWs to allow them to recover not only their funds, but those of everyone who got scammed.

Trying to play the three off one another is only marginally successful until one simply decides to leave, rather than turn on the others, but things happen and the situation escalates.

Culminating in a final showdown, Cold Wallet is really a great advertisement against crypto in general, as it’s ephemeral nature makes it open to manipulation and scamminess (see the recent Hawk-Tuah fiasco).

The characters here are what makes the movie run. They’re all generally believable, and the fear and uncertainty of the situation is palpable, as one might expect, and the final result is expected, sad, and uplifting.

I don’t know that I was expecting such a straight take on the crypto business, but I’m glad I got one.

Check it out.

Cold Wallet hits select theaters and VOD on February 28 and stars Raul Castillo, Tony Cavalero, Melonie Diaz, and Josh Brener.

And remember, if the BEST thing you can say about a movie is that it’s “visually stunning,” then they’ve done something wrong.

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