Jurassic World: Rebirth
Review by Mark Woodring
Did Steven Spielberg really usher the original Jurassic Park into theaters 32 years ago? Wow.
Well, after five sequels of varying quality, we are getting another entry in a world populated by both humans and dinosaurs.
What could go wrong this time?
**NOTE: You can read Mark’s review below, then listen or watch as he and Ryan discuss the film further. Remember, though, you can listen to all our discussions of this and every other movie directly over on ACAST. Stay tuned.**
134 Minutes, Rated PG-13
Written by David Koepp
Directed by Gareth Edwards
Synopsis:
Five years post-Jurassic World: Dominion (2022), an expedition braves isolated equatorial regions to extract DNA from three massive prehistoric creatures for a groundbreaking medical breakthrough.
David Koepp, who wrote the screenplays for both the original Jurassic Park and the first sequel, is back in the fold to write Jurassic World: Rebirth.
Gareth Edwards, the director responsible for films such as Monsters, the 2014 reboot of Godzilla, and Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, is in the director chair after the lukewarm reception to his last film, The Creator.
Universal convinced Scarlett Johannson and Mahershala Ali to come aboard, with quality support from Jonathan Bailey (of Bridgerton and Wicked) and Rupert Friend (who just looks like a villain, doesn’t he?).
So, going in to this one, it’s so far, so good, right?
Then the opening credits hit the screen.
Honestly, I don’t know what to tell you here. Traditionally, I enjoy these films, even the last one, which wasn’t great, but at least the dinosaurs were suitably impressive, able to either terrify or make us empathetic about their plight.
This movie, though… my God.
Here’s a quick hit of the notes I scribbled down during the screening:
- What the hell even is this movie? It’s all over the place.
- Every time John Williams’ theme plays, it reminds you how terrible this one is.
Michael Crichton has to be rolling over in his grave. - The dinosaurs are neither inspiring or inventive (and woefully underutilized across the runtime).
- So full of recycled plot and emotional beats it’s like watching The Rise of Skywalker without blasters or lightsabers. They exist simply to remind you of what has come before, but stripped of any genuine importance.
I mean, I literally have nothing positive to say about this movie. It’s “plot” revolving around an attempt to get blood and tissue samples from 3 Goliath-sized dinosaurs in order to make a heart medication is just stupid.
The interaction between the members of ScarJo’s “team” of independent security folks feels like it was put together from watching other films with teams and then throwing out any semblance of spontaneity or genuine affection.
The inclusion of a regular family on a sailing trip through Mosasaur-infested equatorial waters attempts to add emotional weight to the story that the script fails to generate from the “team,” but the groups are just as quickly separated from each other, leaving us with parallel stories as each group attempts to reach a possible escape point.
So now we have two completely separate movies going on. They couldn’t even mix the members to reinforce the idea of mutual survival. Lazy.
The idea of an island of mutant dinosaurs is supposed to add… something… to the story, but it fails completely to fully utilize the idea of mutated monsters as a threat to our… heroes?
See the bullet list above. Jurassic World: Rebirth brings absolutely nothing to the Jurassic Park franchise, and it while I was expecting something far from a masterpiece, I was expecting to be entertained.
I was absolutely not.
Jurassic World: Rebirth slouches into theaters on July 2nd and stars Scarlet Johannson, Jonathan Bailey, Rupert Friend, Mahershala Ali, Manual Garcia-Rulfo, Luna Blaise, David Iacono, Audrina Miranda, and Ed Skrein.
And remember, if the BEST thing you can say about a movie is that it’s “visually stunning,” then they’ve done something wrong.
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