Jurassic World: Dominion – Movie Review

146 Minutes, Rated PG-13

Written by Emily Carmichael and Colin Trevorrow

Directed by Colin Trevorrow

**NOTE: I have updated this post with our discussion, but also enjoy this look at my thoughts and read Ryan’s review HERE.**

Synopsis:

Four years after the destruction of Isla Nublar, dinosaurs now live–and hunt–alongside humans all over the world. This fragile balance will reshape the future and determine, once and for all, whether human beings are to remain the apex predators on a planet they now share with history’s most fearsome creatures in a new Era.

“The Epic Conclusion” they call it.

Well, it’s concluded, all right.

From the jump, which is a faux investigatory-type news trailer about the history of the Jurassic Park universe, Jurassic World: Dominion starts with the cheese course but fails to bring the wine.

Because you’d best be drinking if you want to enjoy this one.

Sure, Universal managed to bring the original cast back together, and sure, it’s cool to see Sam Neill, Laura Dern, and Jeff Goldblum sharing the screen again, with Doctor Grant just never quite getting Ian’s personality, but it’s all red herring.

Half the film–maybe less than half–concerns these three; instead, we’re treated to a dysfunctional family drama with Owen and Claire (Pratt and Howard) trying to protect Maisie (Isabelle Sermon) from nefarious forces who would like nothing more than to poke and prod a human clone, as her existence and status were revealed during/after the closing events of the previous film.

Jurassic World: Dominion is a convoluted mess of about six different story threads, none of which really works. We’re treated to characters opining on GMO crops, “Big Agro,” government cronyism, corporate greed, environmental concerns, a Tim Cook-looking CEO in charge of a genetics corporation….

It’s too much, too poorly developed, and wrapped in an all-too-veneer of nostalgia.

At one point, Trevorrow was attached to direct Star Wars Episode IX, but his film The Book of Henry basically killed that, though no one will outright say it. After seeing this, though, I’m reminded of his story credit on The Rise of Skywalker, as Dominion, much like that film, is chock-a-block full of stuff designed to do one thing: remind fans of the previous films.

And, where The Rise of Skywalker was a veritable cornucopia of callbacks, so, too, is Dominion. Nary missing an opportunity to drop in a line, a look, a shot composition, or even the fucking CEO protagonist: Dodgson.

Remember him?

The son of a bitch even has the fucking shaving cream can on a shelf in his office (but it only had coolant for 36 hours…look it up).

It’s all just so inane, from Pratt’s opening sequence rounding up a stray paracaurolophus like cattle for relocation to the sanctuary run by BioSyn, the genetics company researching “dino-DNA” for advancement in treating human diseases (And leveraging that DNA to fundamentally alter the planet, but whatever.), to people being harassed on the beach by small dinosaurs, to fishing vessels being sunk by mosasaurs taking their catches off the hook.

Are you fucking kidding me?

And even when people are about to be eaten, AND THEY HAVE GUNS IN THEIR FUCKING HANDS, nobody ever, not once, attempt to shoot a non-tranquilizer dart at a dinosaur.

Not. Fucking. Once.

Fuck that noise; if I’m about to be eaten, that dinosaur is getting a lead appetizer.

Yes, you can insert the incredibly low-hanging fruit that is Malcolm’s Axion here (so concerned about whether they could, yada yada-yada), and it would be richly deserved.

Sure, some people still want to be wowed by seeing dinosaurs on screen (Dr Sattler actually comments that you never get tired of it while scratching a baby dinosaur’s chin), but it’s simply not worth it.

Not anymore.

The nostalgia train that Hollywood seems to be riding with reckless disregard for results has officially jumped the track. It’s over.

Trevorrow should be barred from the director’s chair moving forward, and the Jurassic Park franchise should be allowed to FINALLY rest in peace.

Jurassic World: Dominion opens in theaters on June 10 and stars Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum, Sam Neill, DeWanda Wise, Mamoudou Athie, BD Wong, Omar Sy, Isabella Sermon, Campbell Scott, Justice Smith, Scott Haze, Dichen Lachman, and Daniella Pineda.

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