Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny – Review
154 Minutes, Rated PG-13
Written by Jez Butterworth, John-Henry Butterworth, and David Koepp
Directed by James Mangold
**NOTE: You can read Mark’s review below, then listen as he and Ryan discuss the movie in more depth. Remember, though, you can listen to all our discussions of this and every other movie directly over on ACAST. Stay tuned.**
Synopsis:
In this final entry of the storied franchise, archaeologist Indiana Jones races against time to retrieve a legendary artifact that can change the course of history.
The long and winding road that has been the journey to Indiana Jones 5, AKA The Dial of Destiny, has been well-chronicled across all forms of media, from its inception to its delays, to the extravagantly plotted coverage on YouTube detailing the various leaks and plot points and the evils of Lucasfilm and its President, Kathleen Kennedy.
We’ve been subjected countless theories about “scrapbook” filmmaking, massive reshoots, time-traveling with multiple Indiana Jones-es, and even a possible spin-off TV series featuring Phoebe Waller-Bridge (in one of several possible conspiracy-laden possibilities), which was apparently actually going to be a thing (but which apparently is now dead in the water, unless you actually believe Kathleen Kennedy’s most recent comment, especially with her track record of vaporware project announcements), seemed to lend credence to some of the other theories.
One thing everyone knows for certain, though:
Harrison Ford did not deserve to be put through this garbage. He’s too old to be an action star, which means that the bulk of stunt-work would either be done by doubles or completely different characters and NOT Indiana Jones.
With Dial of Destiny, we get both, and we that coupled with the newest fad in Hollywood: CGI de-aging. As used in Dial of Destiny, it’s quality ranges from adequate to distracting. It is never “great.”
But let me express my thoughts on this “scrapbooking” idea put forward by several prominent “sources.” If James Mangold actually shot multiple versions of every scene so they could pick and choose how to assemble a final story–much less a complete CUT of that story–then the nearly $300M budget seems… accurate.
Which doesn’t bode well.
The final story we’re given does feel complete, which is a plus, but it does feel more than a bit stupid, unfortunately drifting through its necessary (but ridiculous and nonsensical) story points much like the recent Uncharted film, which as we all know did oh-so-well at the box office.
But to be fair, the opening train sequence actually does feel a bit like a classic Indiana Jones adventure. After that, though…
Ford’s Indiana Jones spends the bulk of the film being led around by the nose by God-daughter Helena (Phoebe Waller-Bridge), as one would lead either a small child by dangling candy in front of them or you would a grandparent by continually convincing them only they know how to do something so they insist on coming along so you don’t screw it up, even though you’re simply using them to get what you want.
Terrible.
And speaking of Helena…
…what a terrible character. She has exactly ZERO redeeming qualities. She’s terribly unlikeable, untrustworthy, and condescending.
And not in a cute, quasi-self-deprecating Han Solo/Indiana Jones kind of way.
She’s literally unlikeable. She believes herself to be superior to everyone else in every way and isn’t afraid to say so. She cares about no one at all, moving through the lives of anyone and everyone she meets and using them until they no longer serve her purpose, when she simply discards them and moves on.
Again, and again, and again.
In any other movie, she’s a Villain.
So I guess that makes her the Primary Villain in Dial of Destiny, as well. Mads Mikkelsen is the secondary villain, a mock villain, a red-herring callback to Indy’s Nazi foes which only reminds us of how much greater those adventures were. But heck, even he takes a back seat in terms of screen time and times Helena is the primary antagonist to our supposed hero, Indiana Jones.
The end of the film is, as was predicted and projected by various YouTube personalities, spot on, but I won’t repeat it, even though other mainstream media personalities have already spoiled it.
You can look it up for yourself.
The most impactful moment for me was when Indy had to smile his way through a retirement ceremony in what I can only I can only assume is a third-tier academic institution, Hunter College in New York City, after ten years.
It’s a hard thing to see your life’s work come to an end in such a perfunctory way, after such a laudable career. I know. I’ve been there.
After that embarrassing display, he randomly gifts his retirement clock (counting the days till his death, presumably), he’s accosted by Helena in a bar where he simply wants to drink away his retirement.
One can only assume that as times changed around him, Indiana Jones’ history became problematic for larger, more prestigious institutions, resulting in his eventual arrival at lowly Hunter, which would still be awed by the man and his exploits without being hamstrung by any social negativity associated with them.
Though not quite as bad a film as Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Dial of Destiny isn’t worth seeing in a theater.
It’s probably not worth seeing at all.
I said it. I mean it.
It’ll be streaming on Disney+ soon enough (I predict by September 1), especially with films like Mission Impossible 7, Oppenheimer, and Barbie (though there’s issues on that one, also) waiting to force it off screens mere weeks after it hits theaters (likely amassing a dismal box office take in the process).
It’s a confluence of bad filmmaking, bad press, and bad timing that not even the nostalgia for the franchise and the fervent desire to salve the memory of Crystal Skull can’t overcome.
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny digs into theaters on June 30 and stars Harrison Ford, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Mads Mikkelsen, Boyd Holbrook, Antonio Banderas, Toby Jones, Shaunette Renée Wilson, Ethan Isidore, and Karen Allen.
And remember, if the BEST thing you can say about a movie is that it’s “visually stunning,” then they’ve done something wrong.
Please don’t forget to LIKE this post, SHARE it with your friends, and FOLLOW us on TWITTER, FACEBOOK, and SUBSCRIBE to our YOUTUBE channel, as well.
And please, if you like what we do, consider helping us keep on entertaining you. You can use this handy link:
Or, you could check out the merch in Our Store:
Not only will you be helping us out if you pick up some merch, you get cool stuff to wear around (including the coveted WTFWT? logo!)
tags: movies, movie review, indiana jones, dial of destiny, Harrison Ford, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Mads Mikkelsen, Boyd Holbrook, Antonio Banderas, Toby Jones, Shaunette Renée Wilson, Ethan Isidore, Karen Allen, James Mangold, Jez Butterworth, John-Henry Butterworth, David Koepp, action, adventure, paramount, lucasfilm
Leave a Reply